She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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