I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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