Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
