Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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