I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Did you just see the Batmobile???
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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