don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
