Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
