when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Someone shattered a urinal.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
