I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize