It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
