i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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