North Korea, Best Korea!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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