Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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