i just wanna soil my oats bro
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
is wine microwaveable?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
