I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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