I cockslap morals
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
