Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
