Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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