Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize