My friends, they love my intelligence
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
