I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're like the curious george of whores
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
