you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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