this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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