My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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