you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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