I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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