Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
