she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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