Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
