i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize