we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
