sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
