well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
