We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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