I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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