I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize