I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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