I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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