i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize