There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
