If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
