I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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