I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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