you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
