it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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