I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did I show you my penis last night?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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