Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
