dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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