You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
