so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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