I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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