I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
