im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
