I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
