Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
