I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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