Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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