Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
