Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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