i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
