I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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