You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
