I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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