it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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