I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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