i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
