New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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