Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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