i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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