You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
