Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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